The Power of Gray Hair: Developing the Mature to Care
By: Tim Allchin
August 26, 2022
Experience, Gray Hair, Maturity, Old Age, Older Generation, Perspective
I remember hearing my grandparents talk about the Great Depression and how their family survived the fear of hunger, sickness, and homelessness. This hardship shaped a generation in similar ways as other traumatic events like World War II, Vietnam, and 9/11. Perhaps the pandemic of 2020 will shape this generation as well. There is a resilience that comes when we go through hard times.
In Proverbs, Solomon speaks with experience about the hardships of life and how we grow in perspective as we grow older. He often contrasts the energy of youth with the wisdom formed over time. He challenges his sons to seek the perspective of wisdom that his lifetime of experience afforded as he learned wisdom from God through both his successes and failures.
One of the struggles in equipping young counselors in lay counseling is that they often struggle to feel ready for ministry because they don’t have personal experience with many struggles, and most older people want someone with more experience. Ministries that have teams of mostly older counselors often don’t face this same hurdle. Their gray hair brings a level of comfort, even on their first day of serving in a counseling ministry.
We keep this in mind as we help churches develop care teams. While we want a variety of age groups, we encourage as much gray hair to join our training as possible. While they may have handed off ministry leadership to younger generations, they can often be used in one-on-one counseling situations very effectively.
The gray hair of most churches is an undervalued asset and under-utilized treasure that needs to be developed for the good of your church. This article explains why your church should equip and utilize those with gray hair to provide greater care, counsel, and wisdom to those in need.
Gray Hair Brings Perspective
The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair (Prov. 20:29).
What is the point of this verse? Young people have more strength, but older people have greater perspective and wisdom.
Perspective is shaped as one goes through the trials and joys of life. We learn by our successes and, sadly, by our failures as well. The advantage of old age is that experience accompanies longevity. When people come for counseling, they often seek a wise perspective on their struggles—a new path forward that promises better results.
Those with gray hair have been given the opportunity to see how various choices play themselves out over time. A wise perspective improves the possibility that someone will believe and follow wise counsel.
Gray Hair Brings Credibility
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life (Prov. 16:31, ESV).
Who is better equipped to help hurting marriages? A young psychologist fresh out of grad school, or a godly mentor couple married for 40+ years? It’s kind of hard to answer, isn’t it? While you might need to know more about their training or the relational health of the married couple, 40 years of marriage provides a certain level of credibility because we all know that many marriages don’t last.
While we value the strength and energy of younger generations in the church, we have to leverage the credibility that the stories of a lifetime of perseverance can bring to those seeking help and hope. Gray hair on the head of someone who has navigated life’s challenges well brings that credibility.
Gray Hair Brings Stability
Read what the Psalmist writes about those who have lived their lives in a way that honors God:
They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him (Ps. 92:14-15).
They are compared to a healthy tree, still producing fruit, still pointing people to the upright “Rock” who can be trusted. As younger generations are discipled by Instagram and TikTok, their world only becomes more unstable, less productive, and more susceptible to harm.
The answer is not to retreat from the world but to link arms with those who are stable. Gray hair brings about stability through deep roots developed as older generations have found that God is faithful, upright, and righteous. Younger generations often doubt God’s faithfulness, embrace skepticism about almost everything, and are bombarded with competing worldviews on a daily basis.
The Power of Gray Hair PART 2
Why Pastors and Churches Should Embrace the Challenge of Equipping Good Gray-Haired Counselors
1) When we equip the mature to care, it helps them continue to grow in maturity.
“Some of you ought to be teachers by now.” Paul challenged those under his watch to keep growing beyond the basics. Many leaders may have capped out with the growth they will receive from a typical Sunday gathering aimed at a wide variety of maturity levels, including unbelievers/seekers. Many saints in our churches will not grow without becoming teachers, and most won’t be effective teachers unless they are trained. On a side note, this is one of the reasons why I love counseling training—because teaching can be done one-on-one or in a large group.
Consider that most of your congregation likely doesn’t love to teach large groups, but many enjoy one-on-one conversations. Biblical counseling is a strategic way to care for the hurting and grow your people.
2) When we equip the mature to care, it increases resources to meet the burdens of the church.
Many leaders followed the call of God into ministry only to find that the burdens were far greater than they ever imagined. God is faithful—He will sustain us in this burden, but He also calls us to entrust faithful partners with the burdens we experience. We can avoid asking for help because we are proud or afraid, but asking for help is not weakness. Recognizing your need for help will actually help you become a stronger leader. Being too proud to enlist others will destroy you, but empowering others will bless them and you. You will find your load more bearable, and God will help your flock support each other in the way He desires.
3) When we equip the mature to care, we share real ministry and develop a humility that God will bless.
I remember a pastor who was part of our staff team when I was new to ministry explaining how he tricked those on his team into thinking they were contributing when really he was just manipulating them into buying into his ideas. His rationale was that no leader could be as invested or knowledgeable about solving problems as the pastor leading his flock or ministry would be. I was uncomfortable with this tactic. Do we really believe that we are the smartest person in the room and our ideas ought always to win the day? In other words, do we trust the Holy Spirit to lead our people, or just us? If we trust that God is at work, we will share the work with others and empower them to do what God is calling them to do. We will hold our plans more loosely and seek God more earnestly. Equipping leaders allows your people to be led by the Spirit and learn to follow Him.
4) When we equip the mature to care, it allows the church leadership to fulfill what God has called us to do.
Do you trust that God will follow through with His desire for you to do ministry from an overflow and not a deficit? Do we trust God enough to rearrange our schedule to include intentional efforts to equip the saints, not just serve the saints? When Jethro challenged Moses, he made it clear that his patterns of ministry were not sustainable and even counterproductive to effective leadership. Sharing the load with mature, wise saints helps many leaders manage their time and demands more effectively.
Questions for Reflection
If the gray hair of most churches is an undervalued asset and under-utilized treasure, how can churches think strategically about developing the gray hair in their church into effective ministers and lay counselors?
How does your church equip the older generations for ministry?
As your church thinks about the path ahead, would you consider how the gray-haired people God has blessed your body with could impact your church and community? Equip them to share, make disciples, and provide compassionate care.
Tim Allchin
Tim is the Executive Director of the Biblical Counseling Center located in the Chicago area. At Biblical Counseling Center, Tim counsels, oversees staff counselors, and trains churches to develop counseling ministries. He earned his Doctor of Ministry from Central Baptist Theological Seminary (2017) and holds an M.Div. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (2003). Before joining the Biblical Counseling Center in 2012, Tim pastored in a variety of roles for 12 years in a local church, overseeing students and families, biblical counseling, small groups, and support groups. In each role, Tim’s passion was helping the hurting to find hope in applying God’s Word to the practical issues of life. Tim is married and has two teenage sons.
