[Book: When Pleasing You is Killing Me
Les Carter PHD]
Over-compliance may indicate that you agree with their low assessment of you...
...As an example, Anita told me how she was frustrated with her parents’ insistence that they must always celebrate her children’s birthdays at their home. “Ted’s family lives fairly near, but they are always given the leftover times with my kids. I know they don’t like it, and I’d really like to accommodate them. I don’t want to hassle with my parents’ anger, so we just go along with my parents’ wishes to avoid the fuss.” Was Anita’s management of this dilemma good? Not really. It would be fair for her to tell her parents that she wanted the other set of grandparents to have special times with the kids too. As a daughter-in-law, it would be fair to consider coordination with the extended family, but in her efforts to please her parents, she felt required to deny the healthiness of such fair-mindedness, choosing instead to adhere blindly to a lopsided way of thinking....
...No one likes to be insulted or belittled; yet despite their normal, healthy desire for respect, people pleasers often find themselves in a position of being disrespected. What is most absurd is that the people showing the most disrespect to people pleasers is themselves! Think back on some of the instances Anita described. She let her parents act in overbearing ways toward her. Her husband did not factor in her needs when setting up his schedule. Her kids could easily figure out how to sidestep her principles.
What was her reaction? She would go along with it! It is clear that these key people showed low regard at times for her value, but the real tragedy lay in the fact that Anita did not respect herself either. Though she may not have verbalized it, her behavior indicated that she did not hold her own decisions or beliefs in high regard. You may realize that others do not factor in your needs as they interact with you, but are you aware that your over-compliance may indicate that you agree with their low assessment of you?...
...“I’m basing my thoughts on the notion that you can’t really afford to continue a lifestyle that ultimately is so disrespectful toward yourself. In the name of being kind to others, you are letting yourself be treated, at times, with indignity. If that is not addressed, the emotional garbage is going to accumulate so much inside that eventually you will be no good to anyone.”…
Les Carter PHD: Over compliance
Re: Les Carter PHD: Over compliance
Great Book
